One of the most basic skills is the ability to listen to what others have to say.  Listening for understanding takes significant effort. Here are some insights

1. Remain silent until the other person has finished making their point. After the other person stops speaking, ask for clarification with a question like “let me be sure that I understand what you are saying”, then paraphrase her words to be sure you have gotten your point accurately.

2. Be curious rather than defensive about a different point of view. Ask the other person to add more specifics about their comments and ask with genuine eagerness and excitement to learn more abut their ideas. You might say “Please, tell me more”. Or, you might say “That is a very interesting perspective, tell me more”.

3. Use both nonverbal and verbal cues to convey understanding. These might include gestures like nodding you head in agreement, leaning forward slightly as you listen, or verbal responses like “um hum” or “I understand”.

 4. Give the other person your full attention. Do not multi-task or let your mind wander.

 5. Don’t say “But”. The word but negates all that you have said.

An effective leader recognizes there is more than just his or her way of communicating. To influence and motivate others, shape your message so that it uses language and concepts that appeals to the other person’s preferred communication style. The analogy is traveling to a foreign country where you don’t speak the native tongue. You will only be able to communicate effectively by adapting and using the language of the other. Same in the business world.

Research has shown our individual communication style is defined by the different degrees of preference we have for the following four basic communication styles.

Results-oriented - values moving things forward and getting results. Likes to use a direct style to get to the bottom line. Prefers to be given the headline and will decide how much additional information is needed to move forward. The key to communicating with this style is “get to the point.”

Relationship-oriented - believes an enthusiastic, collective effort can deliver phenomenal results. Seeks to build strong work relationships to ensure the most creative and energetic effort. Views conversations and discussions as the primary means for building these connections. The key to communicating with this style is “keep it positive.”

Stability-oriented - seeks to foster a work environment that is stable and relatively, if not completely, free of conflict. Will withhold opinion or ideas if the input might disrupt the group’s progress or consensus. Prefers an indirect communication style. The key to communicating with this style is “keep it non-confrontational.”

Quality-oriented - prefers to take a systematic, methodical approach to work. Values quality, accuracy, and thoroughness. Has high standards for own work and that of others. Prefers to share as much information about an issue as possible. The key to communicating with this style is “keep it factual.”

Influence others by “speaking their language.”